Smelly Socks: Things boys say and do to make a mother cringe
June 13, 2013 at 1:13 a.m.
Growing up with my cousins, Renee and Sabrina, I never really had the pleasure - and, of course, I use this term loosely - to experience all of the grossness and oddities that come with having boys.
But now, having lived in a predominantly male household, I've gotten somewhat used to it. Although sometimes I have to wonder where they come up with some of the disgusting things they say and do. Is it just a boy thing? Will I ever get used to it? I'm thinking not.
'I peed into the wastebasket'
Adam is at a stage now where he enjoys saying things that are not quite true (not lying, either) just to see the shocked look of disbelief in my face. But then, he immediately says "just kidding."
So recently he, Charlie and I were driving back from a store, and Adam, out of the blue, tells me, "Oh mama, yesterday I peed into the wastebasket because the toilet was too far."
I say, skeptically, "You're kidding right?"
"No really, I peed into the wastebasket; I'm telling you the truth," he says.
"Why?!" I ask with a mix of anger and confusion in my voice. The toilet was literally 2 feet away. Of course, he didn't really have an answer other than he wanted to see what would happen.
Gee, and you didn't think to tell me until now? I basically sighed, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and was thankful for the fact that we put a plastic bag into every empty wastebasket after we throw out the garbage.
'If the dogs eat it, why can't I?'
Charlie comes into the house the other day and asks for a "snack" for Linus and Lucy, our black and yellow labs. I reach underneath the sink cabinet, pull out a few treats and put them into his little hand. He goes back outside, and I hear him telling the dogs to "sit" so that they can get their treat.
Both dogs bark, and I assume that they have gotten their reward. A few minutes later, I go outside to check on the boys playing, and I see Charlie chewing on something. I assume it's the chives or the parsley growing in the pots on the patio.
But then I notice that he keep chewing and chewing and chewing. I ask, "What are you eating?"
He replies "doggie treats." "What!? Why in heaven's name are you eating dog treats?" He just shrugs his shoulders and continues to chew and dig in the dirt.
Then, Adam walks by on his way to go inside the house and casually says, "Oh yeah, I've eaten them, too. They're pretty good." Again, I just close my eyes, shake my head and hope this doesn't become a habit.
'Mama, Charlie picked up the dogs' poo poo with his hands'
All I can say to this one is "Why?" I'm pretty good about cleaning the backyard daily of the dogs' waste. But there are some days that I miss one or two.
On one such occasion when Charlie was much younger, his curiosity must have gotten the better of him - because he proceeded to pick up the dogs' poop in his hands. Why, you ask? I have absolutely no idea other than he's a boy, and he's curious. Is this a topic I want to delve into further?
No, but I think I've said all I need to say. Let's just say I rushed him inside the house, carrying him with his arms outstretched, washed his hands with soap and water for four minutes and followed that up with a quick swipe of a Clorox wipe. You know, just in case.
Anita lives in Chicagoland with her husband, two boys and two dogs, one of who is a girl. Email Johanna Bloom or Anita Spisak at email@example.com.